Your Sanity Matters Much More Than You Think

This post is dedicated to new readers — those who found their way here from the Bitter Infertiles (podcast Episode 20).

If you’re new to this blog, I hope you’ll see it’s quite pleasant here. Contrary to conventional wisdom, flowers grow. Laughter is encouraged. All in all, we strive to make this blog a place where women, mostly those who are not mothers through chance or circumstance, gather. We kibitz about the world as we as see it and how we can make it better. Sometimes we discuss movies, books, and simply dish.

For regular readers who haven’t yet tuned in to the podcast, let me set the scene. While millions prepared lasepisode20t weekend for the Super Bowl, four women fired up Skype. We engaged in a conversation normally reserved for the closest of friends. Episode 20 started at midnight in Israel (Mo), 5:00 pm outside of Toronto, Canada (Loribeth), 2:00 pm somewhere in view of Mt. Ranier in Washington (Cristy), and at 2:00 pm for me, an hour south of San Francisco.

Far from shy, we near strangers plunged deep. We started with talk of ‘lady parts.’ Our discussion broadened from there to the bio the psycho and the social.

Spontaneous interplay

Listeners will be startled by the willingness of the hosts (women in their early 30s), keenly familiar with infertility losses, to venture into territory many fear to tread. Warm, intelligent and inquisitive, Mo and Cristy wanted to hear it straight. They broke new ground.

I don’t ever recall this level of honest, taboo-busting public discourse among women coming from such different places in the infertility world. Initiated for women pursuing motherhood, they were unafraid of infertility’s stigma. They proved eager to uncover the truth. They questioned the wisdom of their peers — those who, in pursuit of children — abuse their bodies and their sanity, who throw away what they do have for something they might never have.

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Healthy Discourse

Mo and Cristy raised concerns about the ‘healthiness’ of those parenting in today’s society. They questioned those who glorify pregnancy but overlook the responsibilities of parenting. They condemned those who view children as accessories. They acknowledged that women like me and Loribeth — those who who never achieved motherhood despite our best efforts — actually got it right.

Our repeated attempts to conceive over an extended period failed, but we came away winners, nonetheless, with our sanity, our self-respect and a willingness to embrace life.

New Validation

I went into the Skype call nervous. I felt, as described in another blog post, like “the proverbial skunk invited to the garden party, or the divorce attorney invited to the wedding expo.”

I came away blushing. I felt like an adored big sister.

Courageous? Selfless? Founts of sanity?

Come again? These are not descriptions women like me are accustomed to hearing.

Cristy shared more of her thoughts in her blog, and offered thanks to those in our little corner of the blogosphere.

Stand tall, my friends, as our stories have:

taught me so much about life and helped me see that though I can’t control what happens to me, I can control how I chose to confront each disappointment and moment of pain. You’ve taught me that from the ashes we can rise like Phoenixes and pursue a life that is full, filled with purpose, happiness and joy. Saying ‘thank you’ is not enough

That leaves me with another lesson in my blogiversary week:

Lesson #3: Blogging makes the world a smaller place; offering us platforms to reach out and touch others in ways we never imagined.

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Cheers to those who embrace defeat and see course corrections in life as an opportunity for growth.