Grief Is a Form of Love

Grief Is a Form of Love

It’s been a few years since I first began to pick up the pieces broken and splintered off in the tempest of infertility. Because there were no instructions for reassembly, no “how to cope with infertility” imparted by elders or learned through societal observation, I’ve had my fair share of trial and error. There were times when I tried to force a piece into place in a well-intended but bungled attempt to hurry the rebuilding process. For instance, feigning happiness at pregnancy and birth announcements before I’d fully come to terms…

Let’s Change Some Attitudes

Let’s Change Some Attitudes

“I don’t know how to deal with this…” That’s a common response, albeit usually unspoken, for people in the throes of reconciling an infertility diagnosis. Curiously, those are also the same eight words that pop into the head of someone who isn’t dealing directly with infertility when they learn someone close is swept up in the dreaded infertility maelstrom. And this begs important questions, such as: How can we talk about infertility, how can we help someone process infertility if we lack a common language or socialized behavior to do…

Kindness Comes in Many Forms

Kindness Comes in Many Forms

We all feel helpless when we witness suffering and pain. In the wake of the heartbreaking events I am reminded that one of the best ways to cope with grief and loss, and begin to heal is help another person who is grieving. This time of year, as the nights grow longer, we turn inward and reflect on where we have been and what awaits us in the New Year.
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Narrative Bias and Why Context Matters

Narrative Bias and Why Context Matters

It’s hard not to be caught up in the excitement of the Olympics. Beyond the awe-inspiring athleticism, stories abound. They resonate in large part because we understand the context. The narratives fulfill a hunger of sorts — whether for inspiration, a sense of accomplishment or a common bond that goes beyond country or sport. Not all succeed though. Some narratives simply annoy. Salon‘s Mary Elizabeth Williams piece, “So she’s a mom. So what?,” underscores the weird and prevalent mom worship in today’s society noting: “Moms have been a running theme…

Everything But the Kitchen Sink

Everything But the Kitchen Sink

Warning: This post may be TMI for many readers. You may feel free to move on. For those still reading, I will try to be delicate. In truth, I was leaning toward not writing about this latest biological escapade, but the irony this week became just too much not to share. Yesterday was surreal. My doctor insisted on giving me a pregnancy test. “A positive pregnancy test is about as likely to happen today as the second coming,” I replied with something of a snort, even as I dutifully stepped into the restroom to provide…

Go To The Head of the Class

Go To The Head of the Class

When was the last time you got some recognition for all your hard work? Your late night introspections? Your fertility-challenged epiphanies? All that and much more have contributed to your bona fide goddess growth in the wake of infertility. Gold stars for all my dear Internets, my nomos, my non-moms, my infertile readers working hard to recover and reinvent, my CNBCs (those childless not by choice) — you have totally earned it. What is the cause for celebration, you ask? Why are you being feted? You have graduated and you most likely didn’t even…

On Sisterhood, Healing and Dreaming Big

On Sisterhood, Healing and Dreaming Big

You don’t often witness those who did (or did not) go on to parent after infertility openly discuss — and I mean with real names not aliases — how infertility impacted their lives. We’re at a pivotal time, in particular, within the tribe of women who faced situational or physical childlessness coming forward with books, PhD dissertations, events, virtual lunches, video chats. Our star is rising. Our stories are being heard. I’m pleased today to share not one but two conversations. The first a Q&A, a video chat, among Women Without…

Post-Traumatic Growth

Post-Traumatic Growth

  A recent conversation with Lisa Manterfield, a fellow blogger, validated the delicate balancing act required when writing about a topic that is deeply personal — one that has wide-ranging impact and carries the power to reshape our sense of identity and the way in which we grow and move forward in our lives. Lisa described watching a frog swim valiantly and hard across a pond before resting and regrouping, and how it gave it her pause to reflect on her own journey. Further complicating matters, we don’t uniformly move in the same direction at the same time. Each of us…

Happy T(w)ogether, Thank You Very Much

Happy T(w)ogether, Thank You Very Much

In the category of inflammatory headlines posed as a question here’s one from a self-described “journalist, mother, thinker” that begs a response: Are Childless Couples Headed Toward Divorce? The short answer from my field research is an emphatic: Hell No! The link to the provocative Huffington Post blog headline first came from a longtime pen pal who wrote me with this observation: “[this] absurd article rambles and makes no particular point. Is it saying that more non-childed couples divorce than childed couples do BECAUSE they are childless or because, if they realize things…

Betty Ford Taught Me To Confront Stigma Head On

Betty Ford Taught Me To Confront Stigma Head On

“It was like going to a party you’re terrified of, and finding out to your amazement that you’re having a good time.” That’s how Betty Ford, who passed away today at 93, described her life in the White House during one of the most turbulent times in U.S. history. I was 10 years old when she became First Lady. I didn’t appreciate until I was older how much she influenced my life. She didn’t shy away from her struggles; she talked openly about them. I read some of the coverage…