New Philosophy: Everything To Gain

New Philosophy: Everything To Gain

How is it that the mind is so much more agile and able to turn over ideas and philosophies with such ease … in the pre-dawn? With rain falling softly against the window at 5am, and my iPad lighting up the room, I swiped my screen to find a Sunday Review piece called Abundance Without Attachment. With an engaging narrative, writer Arthur C. Brook challenged readers to consider the ‘Christmas Conundrum.’ That is the competing notions of generosity and goodwill this holiday season juxtaposed with the crass commercialism and related…

What I Wish I’d Known Then: Virtual Casseroles Feed the Soul

What I Wish I’d Known Then: Virtual Casseroles Feed the Soul

February 3, 2007 marks a turning point. It’s the day I decided to reach outside my head, to wear my heart on my sleeve, and to seek some answers. Minutes after publishing my very first Coming2Terms blog post on that stormy night six years ago my stomach turned queasy. After years of suffering silently in the wake of infertility I decided it was time to venture out, to try to find women I could relate to and who, in turn, could relate to me. In surveying the nascent IF blogosphere…

If You Think You’ve Changed, Just Wait

If You Think You’ve Changed, Just Wait

“At every age we think we’re having the last laugh, and at every age we’re wrong.” -Daniel T. Gilbert, Harvard Psychologist How good are you at predicting who you will become? If you’re like most people you’ll underestimate how much change awaits you. This conclusion was born out in a research paper published in Science and covered in a recent New York Times piece, titled, “Why You Won’t Be the Person You Expect to Be.” Researchers measured the personalities, values, and preferences of more than 19,000 people who ranged in…

Trading Places: My (M)other Life

Trading Places: My (M)other Life

It’s Day Two of the open salon hosted by yours truly and Keiko of The Infertility Voice. We created this dialogue to discuss both sides of the motherhood debate from our unique perspectives. Why? To parse out the concerns and vulnerabilities of transition within the ALI (adoption/loss/infertility) community without tripping over political correctness and delicate sensibilities. We hope you’ll join us every day this week and will be inspired to add your own responses in the comments here and at Keiko’s blog or by writing your own blog posts. Today is role play…

Mom-in-Chief?

Mom-in-Chief?

M E M O R A N D U M TO: Michelle Obama RE: Mom-in-Chief? Was it Really Necessary to Try to Out-Mom Ann Romney? Full disclosure: I have been and remain a supporter of your husband, President Barack Obama, as well as a supporter of your tireless efforts to curb childhood obesity, your unwavering support of military families and your roll-with-it response when your hair styles and outfits get endlessly critiqued by anyone with a Twitter or blog account … However, in the interest of equal time (see Ann Romney MEMORANDUM), I must…

Free To Be You and Me

Free To Be You and Me

I’m not sure what possessed me to write it. Was it my cumulative annoyance at People magazine for devoting so much editorial real estate (for instance every week!) to celebrating all aspects of parenthood (hey – how about some equal time, People editors)? Was it the veiled tone of pity, the whiff of judgment, or the implication that there is only one happy ending to the infertility story? But write I did, and I’m glad for what came next… Dispatch from “hell:” It’s not all bad became an Open Salon Editor’s…

Rather than focus on one particular role, let’s focus on the full person

Rather than focus on one particular role, let’s focus on the full person

In March 1911 more than one million women and men attended International Women’s Day rallies campaigning for women’s rights to work, vote, be trained, to hold public office and end discrimination. There was some irony in that I was so preoccupied and engaged in my work as a marketing exec managing a variety of high profile projects around Silicon Valley, and devoting my spare time to leading and responding to discussions about getting the upper hand in infertility challenges on the Ladies in Waiting Book Club site that I completely…

Zen and the Art of Living After Infertility

Zen and the Art of Living After Infertility

  The title of this post came to me as I poured my second cup of coffee. I’ve never read Robert Maynard Pirsig‘s Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, but I recall laughing the first time I heard the title. In researching his ideas further this morning, the book is now on my reading list. Here’s an excerpt from Mr. Pirsig’s book: I’ve wondered why it took us so long to catch on. We saw it, and yet we didn’t see it. Or rather we were trained not to…

You’re the Star of Your Own Life

You’re the Star of Your Own Life

What do you do with years of expectation about roles and identity? How do you turn off the tape in your head about what was supposed to be the rest of your life? Where do you find a new sense of purpose and meaning? Those are some of the big, huge, enormous questions that have been accumulating in my in-box the past few weeks. Pour a drink. Pass the Magic 8 Ball. In fact, I think a good-old fashioned sleepover might be needed. Join me as I mull over the…

Heart to Heart

Heart to Heart

I don’t like to bring grown men to tears, not the least of which because it usually gets me verklempt. “It has grieved me greatly,” he said with just the barest hint of Southern drawl, “to think I might have hurt you in some way…” “Oh,” I protested, “please don’t think…” “No,” he continued. “As I was reading your book, I recalled the very instant, the place where we were when you first told me you were having problems with infertility. It was lunch at Uncle Yu’s.” I flash backed…