We’re Not Going to Sugar Coat Failed IVF: The Grief is Real

We’re Not Going to Sugar Coat Failed IVF: The Grief is Real

Updated 9/23/2016 with a link to The New York Times Letter to the Editor  ~~ Welcome to the blog book tour for Avalanche: A Love Story. The links (below) contain book reviews and opinions and insights on Avalanche by author Julia Leigh. Please share your thoughts on the ideas raised. Also, this blog’s readers were not the only ones who found Rachel Cusk’s NYT Book Review objectionable. My Letter to the Editor was one of several published in the Sunday, September 25, 2016 print edition. Let’s hope the letters and our…

Jennifer Aniston: Yes, Motherhood Obsession Needs to Stop

Jennifer Aniston: Yes, Motherhood Obsession Needs to Stop

Jennifer Aniston grabbed the spotlight this week in a fiercely worded Huffington Post piece. In 913 words she accomplished what many women (yours truly among them) have spent years trying to do: bring attention to a pervasive tendency by society to look down on women who are not mothers. She was helped along in her cause by a political misstep across the pond — more on that in a minute. First, Jennifer Aniston called out everyone who contributes to the devaluing and marginalizing of women who do not fit a…

Strong? Stronger Than Ever, Thank You Very Much

Strong? Stronger Than Ever, Thank You Very Much

Strong? You want strong? I nominate women who stop or forego risk-laden IVF treatment. Women who stand up to profiteering medical practitioners are as far as you can get from the widespread narrative that those who don’t persist with treatment are weak, pitiful creatures who couldn’t hang. The strong women I know faced the music. They asked the hard questions. They said, no, to doctors and clinics pushing more, More, MORE tests, and new, unproven IVF ‘add-ons.’  In today’s society they have to swim upstream. Run against the herd. Make…

The Exhilaration of Acceptance

The Exhilaration of Acceptance

It doesn’t matter what age, what ethnicity, what country we hail from — we all desire respect, acknowledgment and acceptance. This very human need manifests itself on playgrounds, in communities and in our day-to-day encounters.  It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. In fact, it’s the gentle gesture that often leaves the largest impact. A friendly smile, a nod of the head, an extended hand or kind word can change someone’s day. It can also change someone’s life. I know. I’ve been that timid girl on the playground. I’ve…

Two Wiser Women On Society and Motherhood

Two Wiser Women On Society and Motherhood

  Welcome to all on the virtual book tour for Life Without Baby: Surviving and Thriving When Motherhood Doesn’t Happen.  (Don’t have your copy yet? You can get one here. Don’t worry, we’ll wait…) ~~ Right. Let’s get to it, shall we? Author Lisa Manterfield has done a tremendous service for those grappling with this question: “What if I never get to be a mother?” Smart, resourceful and deeply thoughtful, Lisa turned her search for an answer into a book that will undoubtedly benefit many. Take it from one who learned the hard way: you could not fashion a better…

Male Call: The Head Cannot Heal the Heart

Male Call: The Head Cannot Heal the Heart

Editor’s Note: When it comes to matters of the heart, there’s nothing quite so comforting and validating as discovering you’re not alone in teasing out complicated emotions. Whether in the blogosphere or in society as a whole male voices are in the minority on the topic of disenfranchised grief. It’s rare to hear men give voice to their feelings on involuntary childlessness or the finality of infertility. That’s just one of the reasons why this guest post from Brian Hawker — a self-described teacher, sometimes writer and bad trumpet player…

Treasure Trove of Truth: Blogging Infertility

Treasure Trove of Truth: Blogging Infertility

Nine years ago tonight the blog Coming2Terms arrived on the scene. It started with a hesitant point and click … PUBLISH. The blogosphere in 2007 was still relatively new and more than a bit wild and disordered. It seemed the perfect place to explore taboo topics. Discussion about infertility and failed fertility treatment was, indeed, not discussed in polite society. It’s not altogether different today, but then most reproductive subjects are hard to broach.  Complicating matters further in the aughts: who can forget the cultural smothering emanating from the ‘mommy movement?’ …

Many Miles Later: Culture, Medicine and Us

Many Miles Later: Culture, Medicine and Us

In my ‘gentle yoga’ class the instructor began the weekly session as she always does. She asked us to close our eyes and turn inward to focus on our breathing. In a soft voice she encouraged us to explore any places in our body that felt stuck and to direct our breath to those areas. While I engaged in my physical inventory, breathing into those stuck places, my mind also gently skipped across a series of conversations, written exchanges and snippets of ideas that had been haphazardly parked.  This blog…

2015 Cultural Beacons: Amy Schumer, Frances Barden …

2015 Cultural Beacons: Amy Schumer, Frances Barden …

Inspired by the roundups that appear this time of year, it seemed only fitting that the Finally Heard / Silent Sorority blog and its readership weigh in. Let’s put our heads together and make a 2015 list of standouts. The contenders? New cultural beacons, particularly women, challenging conventional wisdom. Where to look? We’ll cast a wide net. They can be found either in real life society or portrayed in TV series, books or films.  I’ll get us started with my top five cultural picks. First up category… All Around Awesome…

Comprenez-Vous? Oui. We Understand Each Other

Comprenez-Vous? Oui. We Understand Each Other

On so many levels society today seems remarkably chaotic. Misunderstandings, loaded labels and dark suspicions are rampant. It seems we can all benefit from taking a step back and recalling some of what we share in common. Let’s look at the universality of confronting fertility challenges — both the personal as well as societal response. Some experiences transcend language and culture. This blog alone has had 54,604 unique visitors from 167 countries in the course of five years.  During that time one thing has remained clear: there is no easy…