The Change: For Reals

The Change: For Reals

While my recent blog posts have been outward facing — examining the increasingly surreal fertility-obsessed world and the entrepreneurial fertility industry eager to cash in around it  — this post, girlfriends, is kicking it old school. Grab a cup of coffee or your favorite libation ’cause we’re going inside the girl tent. The numbers don’t lie.  Menopause confirmed: FSH: 151! It might be the competitive person I am, but my first instinct upon getting the blood test results was to brag.  Yeah, that’s right. 151. Top that. Those who have…

Silent Sorority Gratitude and a Look Ahead to a New Generation

Silent Sorority Gratitude and a Look Ahead to a New Generation

Thanksgiving gets all the attention and big league association with gratitude, but it’s the quiet, daily acknowledgement of thanks that actually serves us best. That’s one reason I want you to know that not a day goes that I don’t give thanks for the friendship, insights and kindness of all those who have taken the time — over the past nearly eight years — to drop by and share here (and, previously at Coming2Terms). In today’s noisy, fast-paced world of social media with ‘drop in and out’ online communities, 24/7…

Fertility Industry Brings Brave New World Closer: Are We Truly Ready?

Fertility Industry Brings Brave New World Closer: Are We Truly Ready?

There were many troubling headlines about the fertility industry this past week: Women “Exploited” by Egg-Freeze Clinics Don’t bank on IVF, warns new fertility watchdog chief Data Murky on Fertility Rates Should a Woman be Allowed to Hire a Surrogate Because She Fears Pregnancy Will Hurt Her Career? The subtext: when it comes to ‘fertility’ medicine, buyer beware The commercialization of creating new life has entered a new phase. There are certainly large markets for enterprising fertility industry service providers. The markets are made up of hopeful women and men…

“The No-Baby Boom” Nails Cultural Shift and Gloria Steinem Rocks On at 80

“The No-Baby Boom” Nails Cultural Shift and Gloria Steinem Rocks On at 80

It was easy to walk a little taller on Sunday. Why? I had just consumed, back to back, articles on women fearlessly tackling stereotypes and unabashedly breaking molds. It was as though a light was switched on as I read, illuminating just how dramatically society has shifted in the past 50 years — in particular in the way that women have come to identify and define themselves. First up, Gail Collins’ piece in The New York Times on Gloria Steinem, This Is What 80 Looks Like. Collins notes that “Steinem…

What’s This? Common Ground That Doesn’t Involve Motherhood Or Infertility

What’s This? Common Ground That Doesn’t Involve Motherhood Or Infertility

I’ve been spending less and less time in the infertility blogosphere — and for all the right reasons. With my mind no longer preoccupied or dogged by tortured emotions associated with not being in the mommy club, the messiness of healing from infertility, or the rehab-like experience of reinvention and learning to live again, I am busy engaged in a full life. It’s not that I’m not interested in what everyone has been writing (because there are certainly lots of provocative posts and followup thoughts, including this set of comments),…

The Story Behind The New York Times Op-Ed: Selling the Fantasy of Fertility

The Story Behind The New York Times Op-Ed: Selling the Fantasy of Fertility

If you’ve read one breathless headline in popular media about the latest and greatest breakthroughs in fertility medicine you’ve read them all. Articles written about reproductive medicine routinely characterize assisted reproductive technologies (I.U.I, I.V.F., donor eggs, egg freezing and surrogacy) as a “sure thing” when, it turns out, close to 80 percent of the cycles performed annually around the world fail. It took some digging (since clinics are reluctant if not downright misleading about success rates), but the facts are spelled out on the European Society for Human Reproduction and…

Time Warp Tuesday: Advice

Time Warp Tuesday: Advice

When was the last time you took your own advice? And I mean put your very own recommendation into action. It’s usually much easier to hand out advice than it is to act on or internalize your own, isn’t it? Advice is the theme for this month’s Time Warp Tuesday blog hop/writing exercise. This monthly activity involves revisiting blog entries from the archives and reflecting on our journeys since we once sat down to write (or read) them. Thanks for the prompt Kathy and for sharing Lori’s father’s advice to “Draw a wider circle….

Time Warp Tuesday: Decisions

Time Warp Tuesday: Decisions

Most weeks come and go without much fanfare. They’re filled with work, exercise, meals, appointments, chores, gardening, a weekend hike, coffee with a friend, a movie, or cleaning out that one drawer that always seems to hold everything because you once wanted to get something off the counter. And then there are weeks like this. The week that you turn 50. The week that marks the five-year anniversary of your infertility disclosure in The New York Times. The week film-makers show up in your living room to tape a segment for a documentary…

What I Wish I’d Known Then: Virtual Casseroles Feed the Soul

What I Wish I’d Known Then: Virtual Casseroles Feed the Soul

February 3, 2007 marks a turning point. It’s the day I decided to reach outside my head, to wear my heart on my sleeve, and to seek some answers. Minutes after publishing my very first Coming2Terms blog post on that stormy night six years ago my stomach turned queasy. After years of suffering silently in the wake of infertility I decided it was time to venture out, to try to find women I could relate to and who, in turn, could relate to me. In surveying the nascent IF blogosphere…

If You Think You’ve Changed, Just Wait

If You Think You’ve Changed, Just Wait

“At every age we think we’re having the last laugh, and at every age we’re wrong.” -Daniel T. Gilbert, Harvard Psychologist How good are you at predicting who you will become? If you’re like most people you’ll underestimate how much change awaits you. This conclusion was born out in a research paper published in Science and covered in a recent New York Times piece, titled, “Why You Won’t Be the Person You Expect to Be.” Researchers measured the personalities, values, and preferences of more than 19,000 people who ranged in…