On the Move, Part One

On the Move, Part One

There’s nothing quite so unsettling as a major move. Plagued by timing unpredictability. On guard for daily disturbance. We’re supposed to be adept at managing the sketchy, difficult stuff life throws at us, yes? Seasoned as we’ve been by heartache, isn’t that right? To a point. If ever I needed reminding that rational thinking and planning only gets us so far, this past chaotic year — consumed by change and at the mercy of the market — did the job. Move Angst Once again I learned that to-do lists are…

Prince Harry and I Agree: Bury Grief at Your Peril

Prince Harry and I Agree: Bury Grief at Your Peril

Give voice to your grief, loss and trauma or risk being held hostage by it. If you agree with that assessment you’re in some royal good company. Prince William and Prince Harry to be exact. They got my attention in recent interviews about how grief and loss impacted their lives. Harry notably talked of how he once “found himself overcome by a ‘flight or fight’ sensation” during public events. It was only when he “realized it was the unattended, unresolved grief” that he could begin to make sense of how…

Identity Lost and Found After Infertility and Failed IVF

Identity Lost and Found After Infertility and Failed IVF

Identity — and the loss of it — loomed large 10 years ago as I sat staring at my computer. I didn’t know who I was any more. Scared. Untethered. Unsure of what awaited me. I stared at a blinking cursor. Heart broken. Filled with longing for what might have been. I nursed an overwhelming grief (the full extent of which would come much, much later.) Steady rain beat down on the roof February 3, 2007. It was as if the heavens were crying with me. I searched the Internet…

Treasure Trove of Truth: Blogging Infertility

Treasure Trove of Truth: Blogging Infertility

Nine years ago tonight the blog Coming2Terms arrived on the scene. It started with a hesitant point and click … PUBLISH. The blogosphere in 2007 was still relatively new and more than a bit wild and disordered. It seemed the perfect place to explore taboo topics. Discussion about infertility and failed fertility treatment was, indeed, not discussed in polite society. It’s not altogether different today, but then most reproductive subjects are hard to broach.  Complicating matters further in the aughts: who can forget the cultural smothering emanating from the ‘mommy movement?’ …

Tenacity, Resilience and Grit

Tenacity, Resilience and Grit

There was a time when, like Scarlett O’Hara in a scene from Gone With the Wind, I felt trapped in a bad dream — lost in pea soup fog. I knew I was off course, and it was far from clear how I would find my way forward. There was a visceral sense of being unmoored.  I carried with me an uneasy sense of aimlessness. IVF ‘alpha pregnancy’ losses and disenfranchised grief once hung heavily around me. Without a north star, a beacon, a light house — something discernible, I…

A Look Back At How We Got From There to Here in the Blogosphere

A Look Back At How We Got From There to Here in the Blogosphere

This past weeks’ events and recent reading, as if added to blender, poured forth some new insights. In the days and weeks leading up to a busy set of family festivities (June birthdays and both a niece and nephew’s high school graduations), I received several warning emails from GoDaddy informing me that my Coming2Terms blog — all 279 posts and 5,033 comments generated since February 2007 — would go up in smoke on June 25 if I didn’t find a way to move them from a product they were discontinuing…

Kindness Comes in Many Forms

Kindness Comes in Many Forms

We all feel helpless when we witness suffering and pain. In the wake of the heartbreaking events I am reminded that one of the best ways to cope with grief and loss, and begin to heal is help another person who is grieving. This time of year, as the nights grow longer, we turn inward and reflect on where we have been and what awaits us in the New Year.
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When It’s Not The Ending They Expected

When It’s Not The Ending They Expected

Friday 2/5 – Unexpected Ending Drama “How’s the baby….?” The question hung in the air Friday afternoon. My stomach clenched. “There was no baby…” I said quietly. “No baby?? That can’t be…the response, it was so good. I didn’t see you again…” Tears burned in my eyes. I shook my head hard. I forced myself to be matter of fact.  “No baby,” I told the acupuncturist — whom I’d last seen more than six years ago. He and my able team at the Stanford Medical Center had once helped me…