Unspoken Reproductive Medicine Reality: Facing Life Without Children When It Isn’t by Choice

Unspoken Reproductive Medicine Reality: Facing Life Without Children When It Isn’t by Choice

Eight years ago this week I emerged from obscurity because of faulty reproductive organs and the failure of reproductive medicine. My introduction onto the world stage for a prolonged, painful ‘unexplained’ infertility experience came with a fair amount of hyperventilating. It was, in a word, terrifying.  As I wrote in Finally Heard, the ebook followup to Silent Sorority (the first memoir about infertility not authored by a mother — but far from the last): June 9, 2008, was a pivotal day in what had been a perfect storm of fear….

The Exhilaration of Acceptance

The Exhilaration of Acceptance

It doesn’t matter what age, what ethnicity, what country we hail from — we all desire respect, acknowledgment and acceptance. This very human need manifests itself on playgrounds, in communities and in our day-to-day encounters.  It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. In fact, it’s the gentle gesture that often leaves the largest impact. A friendly smile, a nod of the head, an extended hand or kind word can change someone’s day. It can also change someone’s life. I know. I’ve been that timid girl on the playground. I’ve…

First We Get Really Uncomfortable…

First We Get Really Uncomfortable…

Life would be a whole lot more comfortable and easier to navigate if it unfolded neatly or predictably. Alas, that’s not the case for most of us. Mix in a contentious, complex topic (e.g. the inability to reproduce) and watch the discomfort rise. It’s understandable. Beyond the biological unpleasantness, there is upheaval to our sense of order and what’s the ‘right’ way to proceed — directly (for those living with infertility) and peripherally (for those made to think about it). Add a dash of conventional wisdom, a little religion, some…

Time Warp Tuesday: Advice

Time Warp Tuesday: Advice

When was the last time you took your own advice? And I mean put your very own recommendation into action. It’s usually much easier to hand out advice than it is to act on or internalize your own, isn’t it? Advice is the theme for this month’s Time Warp Tuesday blog hop/writing exercise. This monthly activity involves revisiting blog entries from the archives and reflecting on our journeys since we once sat down to write (or read) them. Thanks for the prompt Kathy and for sharing Lori’s father’s advice to “Draw a wider circle….

Why Do We Pretend Away Infertility?

Why Do We Pretend Away Infertility?

Humans don’t do well with emotional discomfort of any kind. This has been proven time and time again, but no more so than with infertility. It can be traumatizing on many levels, but I guess I didn’t realize how difficult an infertility diagnosis can be on other people. They just do not want to see it, hear it or talk about it. They prefer to pretend it away. Are you cured? Boy, I sure hope so because that means I can finally relax. This universal sigh of relief was made…

Born With Us vs. Them Tendencies, We Can Overcome Differences

Born With Us vs. Them Tendencies, We Can Overcome Differences

The older I get the more intrigued I become with where we derive knowledge and what shapes our view of the world. Apparently we are born with an innate predisposition to favor those who are similar to us (more on that later in this post). Fortunately we also have the capacity to expand our thinking, as evidenced by the friendship of these two smiling women. That’s me on the left. On the right, J, one of my best friends. We met nearly 25 years ago before we had any inkling…

Trading Places: My (M)other Life

Trading Places: My (M)other Life

It’s Day Two of the open salon hosted by yours truly and Keiko of The Infertility Voice. We created this dialogue to discuss both sides of the motherhood debate from our unique perspectives. Why? To parse out the concerns and vulnerabilities of transition within the ALI (adoption/loss/infertility) community without tripping over political correctness and delicate sensibilities. We hope you’ll join us every day this week and will be inspired to add your own responses in the comments here and at Keiko’s blog or by writing your own blog posts. Today is role play…

Non-Moms and Moms Bridge the Infertility Gap

Non-Moms and Moms Bridge the Infertility Gap

Kudos to all who dropped by to read or participate in this week’s To Mom or Not to Mom open salon. I think we pushed each other out of our comfort zones and reached a new level of understanding … I know I did. The impetus for this idea? It stemmed from my awkwardness about Keiko embarking on a donor egg IVF cycle last month and what I should say (or not) as she worked her way through the difficult and uncertain process. We first met in NYC in September 2010 at the RESOLVE Night…

The Unintended Consequences of Placing ‘Moms’ on Pedestals

The Unintended Consequences of Placing ‘Moms’ on Pedestals

It’s Day Three of the open salon hosted by yours truly and Keiko of The Infertility Voice. We created this dialogue to discuss both sides of the motherhood debate from our unique perspectives. Why? To parse out the concerns and vulnerabilities of transition within the ALI (adoption/loss/infertility) community without tripping over political correctness and delicate sensibilities. We hope you’ll join us every day this week and will be inspired to add your own responses in the comments or by writing your own blog posts. Who doesn’t relish great role models?…

Will It Be Fate or Destiny?

Will It Be Fate or Destiny?

The steady falling autumn rain this past Saturday did not dampen my spirits one iota. One fleece, one windbreaker and a cheap hooded plastic poncho combined to keep me warm and dry. Amid the throngs, the thousands of students and alumni alike making their way into Ann Arbor’s “Big House” for Homecoming, I was transported decades back to when I was a senior on campus. It was a time of promise. A period of unknowns — intoxicating, energizing and more than a little terrifying with endless possibilities. As I walked into the noisy Michigan Stadium with 110,000…