Investigative Journalists Need Your Help

Investigative Journalists Need Your Help

Editor’s Note: I’ve had several requests from journalists about important projects that need your help. Share, won’t you — via your blogs, Twitter and other social media platforms of choice? Journalist Seeks Fellow Americans First up: I’ve exchanged emails for several months with a U.S.-based journalist working on “an in-depth investigation into the fertility industry here in the United States examining the ways in which it may be prone to serious abuses and harm and risk in the desire to obtain profit.” Over the years many of you have left…

One Small Step For Infertility Awareness, One Giant Leap For Society

One Small Step For Infertility Awareness, One Giant Leap For Society

My expectations for September 27 and The Cycle: Living A Taboo were very high — not only for those of us presenting at the forum, but for those who would join us. What transpired surpassed my expectations. As the evening drew near, we speakers assembled in Tribeca from Los Angeles, Silicon Valley, Spanish Harlem, Boston, and Manhattan. After we checked the mics, the camera crew took their positions, and the tall theater doors opened. In came those bringing genuine interest and (later) palpable support. The seats began to fill with…

How About a Time Cover Story on Women Who Aren’t Moms or Childfree?

How About a Time Cover Story on Women Who Aren’t Moms or Childfree?

In the past year Time magazine has run two cover stories (Are You Mom Enough? and The ChildFree Life: When Having it All Means Not Having Children) and managed to miss — both times — a notable segment of the female population: women who don’t identify either as “moms” or “childfree.” If you dropped in from outer space you would conclude, based on Time‘s view of the world anyway, that: 1)  People without children spend most of their time idly lounging around (um, how does not having children make one…

Let’s Change Some Attitudes

Let’s Change Some Attitudes

“I don’t know how to deal with this…” That’s a common response, albeit usually unspoken, for people in the throes of reconciling an infertility diagnosis. Curiously, those are also the same eight words that pop into the head of someone who isn’t dealing directly with infertility when they learn someone close is swept up in the dreaded infertility maelstrom. And this begs important questions, such as: How can we talk about infertility, how can we help someone process infertility if we lack a common language or socialized behavior to do…

Your Sanity Matters Much More Than You Think

Your Sanity Matters Much More Than You Think

This post is dedicated to new readers — those who found their way here from the Bitter Infertiles (podcast Episode 20). If you’re new to this blog, I hope you’ll see it’s quite pleasant here. Contrary to conventional wisdom, flowers grow. Laughter is encouraged. All in all, we strive to make this blog a place where women, mostly those who are not mothers through chance or circumstance, gather. We kibitz about the world as we as see it and how we can make it better. Sometimes we discuss movies, books,…

Ms. Tales ‘Anything But Ordinary’

Ms. Tales ‘Anything But Ordinary’

“One of my long-time blog penpals once observed that women without children after infertility are extraordinary — in large part because we have to examine ourselves, our relationships and our place in society in a way most ordinary people don’t. Furthermore, we redefine and find our happiness at a point in life when most people, busy raising kids, are on auto-pilot. That puts us much further ahead and able to roll with the changes that life inevitably throws at us…” That’s an excerpt of the comment I left for Mali who…

What’s Your Litmus Test?

What’s Your Litmus Test?

The “why” didn’t fully dawn on me until I was in the final burst of last-minute packing for a Thanksgiving family visit. Our direct flight was just under an hour and half. The destination: a picturesque part of the country, home to the world’s largest international independent film festival, a former winter Olympic site, and some of most breathtaking national parks on the planet. Our relatives, peers in age and interests and genuinely warm and lovely people, had lived there since 1998. There was only one reason why it had taken us…

Playing Against Type

Playing Against Type

Have you noticed the way infertile women are routinely portrayed as one-dimensional, downright pitiful creatures in TV and film? It doesn’t matter what era the story takes place in. Swap out the costumes and look beyond the hair and makeup and the character is always the same distraught, hapless woman. Take a recent episode of Boardwalk Empire — a series set in the 1920s. It included a cameo appearance of Agent Nelson’s wife begging for a operation that might help her get pregnant (can you imagine the quality of fertility…

We Have to Believe It to See It

We Have to Believe It to See It

Editor’s Note: In the days following The New York Times profile about my experience “Facing a Life Without Children When it Isn’t by Choice,” I heard from women and men from around the world. Among those who reached out to me was Dr. Wendy Rogers who, it turned out, lived just a few miles away. We arranged to meet for lunch — the first of many. She’s since become a mentor, a big sister who has helped me to understand and appreciate how to turn a struggle into a source of…